By Illyana Bocanegra

My grandmother has always been a worried woman.

No te preocupas abuelita.

Mi abuelita has been through it all. She raised six children on her own and then my cousin, my brother, and I. Her love doesn’t know when to stop.

Since I was small because of my parent’s divorce, I’ve always been scared of people leaving me.

And as a result, I’ve cried since I was six years old, when I started understanding what it meant to leave this world, of her impending death.

In the dead of night:

Grandma, please promise me you won’t die.
We’re all going to die.
Please grandma, please promise me.
I cannot make any promises. We’re all going to die.

I don’t want anyone to leave me. I’ve always felt that if and when she goes, that will be the worst day of my life. This woman took me into her home and taught me how to make things with my hands. I’ve always felt that when she leaves I will have nothing left.

Hey Illyana I was just calling you to see how you are doing. Call me back when you get this message mijita. Grandma loves you. God bless you. Okay. Bye.

I’ve saved all of your voicemails grandma because I’m afraid that I’ll forget your voice when you’re gone. I’m so forgetful.

I’m afraid that I’ll turn into a worried woman just like my grandma. And because I have no real aspirations of having a family there will be no one to tell me

No te preocupas abuelita.